Here is a guide to some of Ealing's premier homeless people, please provide one for your area!

47 Layers Man - Self explanatory, wears many, many layers of clothing in all types of weather. Sleeps under the depot.

Man-Who-Thinks-His Wife-Is-Still-Alive - An elderly man, clearly insane, who thinks he is pushing his wife who passed away long ago around in an empty wheelchair. Lives in Walpole park.

Wolf Man - A filthy drunk who hangs round with his cronies scaring children by turning his false teeth upside-down and growling. Found on the benches near the back entrance to the shopping center.

Shouting man - Similar to the shouting man in Camden but more ovular and pink. Frequents the local Sainsburys.

Michael, The time traveling ex-Millionaire - A well-spoken kindly old man who used to be rich but lost it all and went mad. I made up the time traveling part but it fits in with a theory I have, I believe he is from the past (or the future) and built a time machine with his millions, came to the future, (or past) the machine broke down and he subsequently went mad. A rare sight nowadays.

The Graveyard Man - Lives round the back of a local church and spends the days sitting on the bench round the front, complaining to whoever is listening.

Some local strange people:

The Witch - So called because of her bizzare appearance, black robes, amulets and feathers in her hair, seen haunting a churchyard near my house.

Blue Man - A man with a medical disease which causes his skin to be blue. Very weird sight. Maybe he's sad?

Recently two more were spotted, the "two pints" man and the strange woman who was pointing at two shopping trolleys and moaning, why? We shall never know.

I'm sure there are many more, I will remember some later.

In Camberwell I don't really spend enough time on the streets to know the area's whole plethora of vagrants, or to have allocated psuedonyms for each - the only ones I really notice quite regularly are a posse of white trash (rare in itself in Camberwell haha) who sit in the bus shelter slurping cans of cheap beer or cider.

There was a guy in a local town near me that thought he was jesus. He wore sandals and the whole jesus get-up. There's a tramp here in Preston who plays the bongos so poorly that if I throw him money, I'll throw it straight into his stupid eyes.

When I was a student in Coventry, there was a man who used to beat up a bench with a walking stick whilst shouting "Bloody Margaret Thatcher". Unfortunately when she resigned he lost his "job". Yet another victim of Thatcher's bloody Britain.

Nottingham used to have Xylophone man,his name pretty much summed him up.He had this tiny liite xylophone which he used to play the same tune on for years,although it wasn't a proper tune,but a seemingly random collection of notes.He was so well known that when he died last year it made the local news.Bizarre.

Atom wrote:
Man-Who-Thinks-His Wife-Is-Still-Alive - An elderly man, clearly insane, who thinks he is pushing his wife who passed away long ago around in an empty wheelchair. Lives in Walpole park.

In Sheffield, we have Man-Who-Thinks-His-Dog-Is-Still-Alive. He has a bundled blanket covered in moldy dog food, which he often pulls around on a lead. He tells me to be careful, because apparently his dog attacks without warning! So beware flying blankets.

Theres an old guy guy near where I live that wears an old army uniform and cleary thinks there is still a war on, showing it by saluting you when you past and mumbling things about the war effort.

In Leeds there's man-with-zimmer-frame-wearing-reflective-jacket. He's seen frequently near The Light shopping centre. Come to think of it I haven't seen him in a while

there this boyo in newry called lofty and he has gang green in his legs. it is soooo funny watchin him drink away his sorrows and then shoutin at anyone brave enough to be neer the smell of him.
I also say a class shirtless tramp covered in blood on st paddys day. it would be a larf to watch trap fights.

there is a pure mad jakey in glasgow who is in a wheelchair has he has no legs. He always has a can of super tennents and just drives around making weird grunting noises at people

I really feel sorry for these people, especially the one who thinks his wife is still alive

If it was in a TV programme it would be hilarious but these are real people

This is one of the best threads right now!

I was trying to think of any tramps that i know and i remembered!

Thin Lizzy fan tramp!!

He was telling me how he saw lizzy in the 70s and how his favourite song was Don't Believe a Word!

If you're gonna be a tramp at least have some good tastes

theres a tranny where im from and he chases you if you say anything to him

Chris wrote:

Atom wrote:
Man-Who-Thinks-His Wife-Is-Still-Alive - An elderly man, clearly insane, who thinks he is pushing his wife who passed away long ago around in an empty wheelchair. Lives in Walpole park.

In Sheffield, we have Man-Who-Thinks-His-Dog-Is-Still-Alive. He has a bundled blanket covered in moldy dog food, which he often pulls around on a lead. He tells me to be careful, because apparently his dog attacks without warning! So beware flying blankets.

And yet you still don't heed my warnings, do you?


WOOF WOOF!!