I've asked before but the thread desended into talking about division 2 football!

With the new album looming for download I'm looking for an artist that could draw us a front cover for our album. We havn't got a big budget (well, any) as the album is going out for free but I'm sure we could have a whipround or summat.

If anyone's arty, thrashy, could draw something stupid & up for it send us a mail.

get Raging Paul to do it, he's pr0n at drawing

Paging Raul is indeed a wizard.

Sounds good so far, how do I find the afore mentioned chap?

PM him

Buy him dinner first though eh

wine an' dine the guy for petes sake!

Yeah, then after the ice is broken and he's giggly and tipsy, look deep into his eyes, invite him in for coffee, THEN pm him.

The one you call Raging Paul has been known to dwell in the partially-flooded caves of Zran-wul'uk, accessible only when the moonlight of the winter equinox shines at the correct angle to illuminate a staircase carved into the living rock of the great mountain Torilarnn. This moonlit climb is the only known route up the mountain which will not lead to certain death.

Upon reaching the summit of said peak, you will need to look for not the tallest, not the second tallest, but the third tallest Alpine Spinecone tree (a strain of plant thought extinct until prehistoric seeds transported to the summit by Onarlu Greatbird droppings miraculously germinated).

Approach the third tallest Spinecone with caution - its upper branches have been known to accomodate a particularly broody species of Vampire Owl, which in the time of the winter equinox gets particularly defensive over its developing young (taking as they do a full four years to reach the maturity of flight). Once certain of no airborne disturbances, proceed to chop down the Spinecone with the hatchet you brought (you didn't bring the hatchet?? Come back next equinox noob).

The direction in which the felled trunk falls is critical, for the nature of its root networks should mean that, if chopped correctly, it will only fall in one direction - pointing directly towards the opening of the underground freshwater stream known to generations of mountain goat herders as simply Fop-Anar (the Freezing Death). Steeling yourself to the subterranean chill of the icy water, you must wade waist-deep through the meandering channels Fop-Anar has carved into the mountain over millenia. After hours, perhaps days, of pitch black trudging, the rocky passageway will open out into a vast cavern, glittering with mineral deposits so rich that many have died on the watery quest for their beauty. But your quest is far from over.

Filtering through a single cleft in the roof of the cavern you will see a shaft of brilliant daylight. You may be dazzled and mesmerized by the sight of such luminesence after countless hours of damp darkness, but do not be distracted. To swim across the pool which seperates you from the hypnotic glow would mean certain death, for the Pool of Shazad-Niraron is home to the invariably deadly Blood-Leeches of Garfak-Loon, whose many poisonous suckers will paralyze your floundering body in seconds and proceed to suck the life-force from your shivering husk over the span of several, nightmarish weeks.

At last, beyond this first cavern you will enter another glittering cave of wonders. In the centre you will see a crouching wizard-like being draped in what looks like a cloak of rich wool. This is actually the creature's long curly hair. Approach him carefully, incanting ritualistic words of appeasement as you do so. You are within the presence of the ancient one whom many shamans have venerated: Raging Paul.

Evoke the following spell firmly, but not forcefully:

"Raging Paul. Paging Raul. Draw me a picture, not a scrawl"

If the artistic troglodyte sees fit, he will conjure a piece of craftmaship which will bring tears to your light-starved eyes. If He Who Wields the Eternal Pencil is dissatisfied for any reason however, he will kill you instantly and extract from your defeated carcass the precious bodily fluids needed to mix his secret inks.

With finished art in hand, the cave-sage will then lead you to a narrow passageway which, when followed, will lead you out into the dazzling sunlight and green pastures at the base of his great mountain home. You have triumphed at last.

Bal-Sagoth...is that you?

what an epic post

HOLY SHIT.

Thats some of the funniest and well written words my tired eyes have ever read, you have earned yourself a beer from me James, top work sir, top work!

Haha, twas indeed epic. Well done James.

do it yerself

James, you haven't been playing WoW again have you...

thats pretty long, i mean, that makes some of jon's posts look... well less retardedly long winded.

i loved every second of it!