I need a job when I move to Sheffield in July. I've already been turned down for one job application so I need to write a CV. All of you will help me. Come up with cool things to say about myself.

Martin Crawford

Mobile:

Address:

D/O/B:

Past Employment:

Statement: CUNT.

Marital Status: Eternally Single

Interests: Slayer, Sounds, and great forums.

keep it short,basically employers need to know your past experience and education,and general intrests,and make sure its tidy and neat..
i use to have to look at cvs in a previous job and there where some really bad ones,ie written on scrap paper,bad handwrighting,and ones about 20 pages long telling me there life story...

past employment: Pitiful Reign and Rager hater - description: ripping the piss out of other bands on the UK thrash forums and acting a general cunt

interests: bumming about, getting wrecked, being in a shit band

j/k

keep it fairly brief and make it look presentable. just give them a brief outline of your past achievements, what you do in your spare time and why you would make a good employee.

Are you allowed to lie in CV's?

MartinC wrote:Are you allowed to lie in CV's?

I lied all over my CV, I'm pretty sure they'll never check evrything out properly

Personal attributes:

• I’m a very social and highly developed communicator, with lots of confidence and self-belief. This enables me to work successfully as part of a team.

Nice lying. I fabricated my A-levels on my last CV, and said I was keen on new experiences. I fucking hate those.

MartinC wrote:Personal attributes:

• I’m a very social and highly developed communicator, with lots of confidence and self-belief. This enables me to work successfully as part of a team.

No No Martin this is what you should write.

I am a smart arse twat, who main skill is taking the piss out of everyone. I am sarcastic and obnoxious. I have very good communication skills especially in fine art of talking total bollocks, and even more skilled at being rude to people.

I can guarantee that with a statment like that you should be able the to get a job at a call centre.

Just write a song and put it on cassette. They'll love that. The most original CV they'll have ever received.

This is what I went with...


Past employment:

• June 2003 – June 2007 – Kitchen assistant/Food prep, Kitchen maintenance, Hygiene maintenance - The White Lion Inn, Matlock, Derbyshire (reference available on request).


Education and qualifications:

• 1999-2006 - Highfields School, Derbyshire – A Level Film Studies (A), English Language (B) and Music (D) and 11 GCSEs
• Basic Hygiene Certificate.
• Grade 6 – Electric Guitar.


Hobbies/Interests:

• Music - Composing, performing and recording in a band as well as promoting local gigs.
• Writing – Contributing reviews/articles to web-based music publications as well as writing poetry, short stories and screenplays.
• In-door rock climbing and playing football.
• Film – Particularly interested in the Horror genre and British Independent cinema.
• Reading – Favourite authors incl. Irvine Welsh, Stephen King and Robert Rankin.



Personal attributes:

• Very social and highly developed communicator, with lots of confidence and self-belief. This enables me to work successfully as part of a team.
• Good at balancing work and study commitments.
• Able to focus on the task in hand when things get difficult.
• Enthusiastic and keen to take on responsibilities in the work-place.

looks a bit generic to me

Shouldn't you be giving examples for your "personal attributes"?

Employers won't give a fuck about your favourite author or film genres. Keep it as short and concise as possible. All you need to include is your education, work experience, skills, hobbies, referees, and other misc. stuff like portfolios if you're that way inclined.