After talking to Creeping Dave in the early hours of the morning, we got onto the subject of... medieval torture devices.

This must be a goldmine for lyrical ideas for thrash bands..: http://www.medievality.com/torture.html

My favourite:

The Breast Ripper (Torture)
Used as a way to punish women, the breast ripper was a painful and cruel way to mutilate a woman's breasts.

This instrument was mostly reserved for women accused of conducting a miscarriage or those accused of adultery.

The claws were used either hot or cold on the victim's exposed breasts. If the victim wasn't killed she would be scarred for life as her breasts were literally torn apart.

A common variant of the breast ripper is often referred to as "The Spider" which is a similar instrument attached to a wall. The victim's breasts were fixed to the claws and the woman was pulled by the turturer away from the wall; successfully removing them.

Who wants a chinwag about pain?!

Here's a nasty one for you...

Crocodile shears

Crocodile shears are just how they sound; two iron-cast sides of a tube, the insides of which feature rows of spikes which are then heated by the torturer and placed on certain appendages.

And here's where it gets really ugly: the crocodile shears are clamped onto the victim's penis, and with only a modicum of applied tension, they slowly and painfully separate him from his smoldering manhood. Depending on factors like blood loss and infection, death is hardly a certainty -- a point which surely contributes to the torture.

THIS, IS THE WORST, DEATH BY POO BOAT:

The victim is tied naked to a boat, face up. They would have already been force-fed enough milk and honey to induce severe diarrhea -- torturous enough -- but it gets worse. Honey was then applied to areas like the groin and the armpits before the victim's vessel was set adrift in a stagnant pond. The diarrhea and the honey would attract insects, which fed off of the victim and eventually began to breed from within their flesh.

Haha Poo Boat
That is truly brutal. This one is pretty bad too...

The Head Crusher (Torture)

The head crusher was widely used during most of the Middle Ages, especially the Inquisition. With the chin placed over the bottom bar and the head under the upper cap, the torturer slowly turned the screw pressing the bar against the cap.

This resulted in the head being slowly compressed. First the teeth are shattered into the jaw; then the victim slowly died with agonizing pain, but not before his eyes were squeezed from his sockets.

This instrument was a formidable way to extract confessions from victims as the period of pain could be prolonged for many hours if the torturer chose to. This could be done by repeatedly turning the screw both ways.

If the torture was stopped midway, the victim often had irreparable damage done to the brain, jaw or eyes.

Many variants of this instrument existed, some that had small containers in front of the eyes to receive them as they fell out of their sockets.

fucking hell

I prefer more modern methods of torture like R'n'B, or the Jeremy Kyle Show.

the jeremy kyle show is hilarious

...Jesus fucking christ.

....Iiiiiiiiiiiiintroducing the Judas Cradle/Chair:



The Judas Chair, also known as the Judas Cradle, was a torture device allegedly used by the Spanish Inquisition. In Italian it was called the "culla di Giuda", in German the "Judaswiege", and the French called it la veille - "the wake" or "nightwatch" (as with the muscles contracted the victim could not fall asleep).

The Judas Chair was a pyramid-shaped seat used for torture. The victim was placed on top of it, with the point inserted into their anus or vagina, then very slowly lowered by ropes. Some theories suggest that the intended effect was to stretch the orifice over a long period of time, or to slowly impale. The victim was usually naked, adding to the humiliation already endured.

Other sources describe a different way of use, stating the ability to raise or lower the victim can change the pressure. The pyramid shaped seat was able to stretch the anus or the vagina, but the point of the pyramid may have been used to cause pain by pressing against the inside of the orifice. This contrasts to the stretching theory, in that the actual torture was caused not by the stretching of the vagina or anus, but by the different effects achieved by positioning the victim against the pyramid's point. Additionally, stretching of the anus or vagina could result in rips and tears causing pain and even death.



....Somehow the electric chair suddenly seems a lot more comfortable!

Ohhh and how could we possibly forget the PEAR OF ANGUISH:

The Pear of Anguish was used during the Middle Ages as a way to torture women who conducted a miscarriage, liars, blasphemers and homosexuals.

A pear-shaped instrument was inserted into one of the victim's orifices: the vagina for women, the anus for homosexuals and the mouth for liars and blasphemers.

The instrument consisted of four leaves that slowly separated from each other as the torturer turned the screw at the top. It was the torturer's decision to simply tear the skin or expand the "pear" to its maximum and mutilate the victim.

The Pear of Anguish was usually very adorned to differentiate between the anal, vaginal and oral pears. They also varied in size accordingly.

This torture very rarely provoked death, but was often followed by other torture methods.





...Lovely!

I saw all these things in a medieval torture museum in Prague, it was in a seedy little back alley and each room was painted black and lit by about 4 candles apart from some choice lighting over the various implements and their descriptions... creepy.

I love this stuff. I always shudder when I read it, but then excitedly click the next link.

How on earth does the Pear even go up there?!

SpiritCrusher wrote:The Pear of Anguish was usually very adorned to differentiate between the anal, vaginal and oral pears. They also varied in size accordingly.

I'm glad that had different ones for each hole, imagine the potential for cross infection.

This device was rarely, if at all, washed. If the victim did not die quickly enough, or their painful execution was interrupted, they would invariantly die from an infection.

Wooo!