Contents below:
Man points are recieved upon the completion of any manly task!
Things that earn you Man points include:
Eating Meat - remember true men eat there stake rare, hell we'd bite into a cow if we could.
Lighting a Fire - extra points are awarded if you rubbed two sticks together to make the fire.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife - prove that you are the master of the most manly of tools, only gays use sharpeners.
Killing something - Whether its driving over a badger or shooting a Rabbit, killing things IS Manly,
Looking under the bonnet of a car whilst using words like Timing Belt, Oil Pressure and turbo charger - real men know how a car works.
Kicking a ball against a garage wall - If only McClaren could hear that Clang you'd have you England call up by the end of the week.
Having a stick specially for stirring paint - Real men have a special stick, reserved solely for the task of stirring paint.
Fighting - Fighting is a great way to earn man points. Especially if its a bear.
Bleeding - Then when someone points it out, commenting that you hadn't noticed.
Watching Die Hard - John McLane we salute you.
Competing in a "manly" sport - the higher the risk of injury the more points you get.
Taking a leak outdoors - Every man has a right, nay, a duty to piss wherever he damn well wants.
Going Commando - Generally when you haave used all the pairs you have 3 times.
Drinking up - Swiftly finish that pint in one go, utter the immortal words "lets go" and walk towards the door.
Poking a fire with a stick - Keep that fire going with this manly task.
Growing a Beard - Facial hair is a true sign of manliness.
Wrestling - The only way for two men to settle a dispute.
Having a scary looking dog - Strike fear into the hearts of lesser men with "Mans Best friend".
Climbing a ladder - saving a cat, cleaning the gutter whatever the job just remember: Show no fear.
Having a scar- the bigger the better, especially if it was achieved in a "manly way", if it wasn't be sure to make up a good story.
Giving Directions - Even if you arent sure of the way, be bold, be firm. Just remember to go easy on the arm movements.
Buying the latest Gadget - The latest phone, a huge television, a funky laptop are all essential accessories.
Wearing a suit - No matter what the occasion, real men dress smart.
Doing Press ups and going for a jog. - The manliest of excersises.
Waking up with no memories of the previous evening - Drinking till you forget is a very manly achievement.
Carving the roast - Are you a leg or a breat man? This is the only aspect of cooking a man should be involved with with the exception of the below rule.
Having a BBQ - The manliest way of cooking meat. Extra points if you make your own sauce to brush onto the meat.
Opening Jars - She's struggling! take it from her hands and effortlessly twist it open. Tell her she loosened it. She didn't! Jars are men's work.
Nodding at coppers - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
Carrying large amounts of cash - Okay its not yours, your just taking it to the bank for someone. But who needs a helmet and a shitty case? Securicor men are gay.
Using Power tools - The greater the risk of injury/ the noiser the tool, the more points you get.
Saying Ahhhh I needed that after the First sip of a pint - Enjoy it son, you've earned that.
Taking a paper to the loo - A visual warning of your intentions, can also come in handy if theres no roll left, coz' real men dont check first.
Giving advice to another "Man" - Helping your fellow man is a way to prove your manliness to him.
Having a "local" - extra points if you can successfully use the words "the usual please".
Going to the tip - Look around you, those are other "real men". The futher you throw it/ the bigger the thing ur dumping, the more points you get.
Giving a firm handshake - But not to hard, you dont want to look like a tit.
Being in charge of the passports - If left to a woman, you wont be leaving the country.
Man points can easily be lost, examples include:
Asking for directions - A real man would rather drive around for hours then admit he is lost.
Going for "a walk" - Ramblers are Nobs. the only exception is when exercising that scary dog of yours.
Showing emotion - real men keep it bottled up!
Feel free to add anythings you feel are deserving of man points.
And dont forget to invite any "real men" you know!
It's the secretive glee of the "She didn't!" that makes it humorous for me.
Clearly not a manly man.
